"Hello everyone, I am the late Choi Jin Shil's daughter, Choi Joon Hee. The reason why I am uploading this today is to reveal what's really been going on in my life.
I'm currently in 8th grade. I thought my life was ruined when my mom passed away, but in actuality, it started going bad when I was in 4th grade. I thought that after my mom's passing, I would live in misery. However, I was the same as other kids in elementary school. I went to school everyday and watched Spongebob. The only family I had left was my maternal grandmother, my brother, my grandaunt, and my paternal family. Something that I want to clarify first is that I did not live with my maternal grandmother (who I will call 'grandmother' from now on), but with my grandaunt.
My grandaunt is not directly related to me by blood, but raised me since I was born. My grandmother always favored my brother over me. My grandaunt was someone who cared about me and lived for me for 15 years. My grandmother always disliked my grandaunt for some reason. I'm not entirely sure why, but from what I heard, I think it's because she thought my grandaunt was raising me for my inheritance. After 11 years of living together, my grandmother suddenly stopped letting my grandaunt see me in 4th grade.
I was too young at the time, so I thought after 5 days, after 10 days, she would return. I had to say farewell to the family member I loved most at 11 years of age, and a few days later, my grandmother said, 'I can't bear to see you with that ***, so I told her to leave the house. She's destroying your character.' This was the first time I became severely depressed. I dug my face into my pillow, so I wouldn't be heard by my grandmother as I cried every night. I missed my grandaunt so much, so I put her clothes, glasses, perfume, and socks on a big teddy bear and hugged it to sleep. However, my grandmother ruthlessly tossed that teddy bear on the floor and yelled at me. I was so scared and wondered what my grandaunt and I did wrong.
A few days later, I was very mentally exhausted. With all of the courage I had, I secretly contacted my grandaunt via Kakaotalk. Luckily, she answered and just said that she was sorry for not being able to protect me. She told me that we could only meet again after I became a legal adult. One day after taking a nap in the living room, my cell phone disappeared. A few minutes later, my grandmother said, 'Do you think just because you have a passcode, I can't figure out what it is? I know you're contacting your grandaunt.' From then on, she started routinely checking my phone. Whenever she was even a little suspicious, she would take it away from me and not give it back.
A few weeks later, my chorus teacher, who knew of my situation, contacted my grandaunt, and she came to visit me at my school. I had to pretend to be happy, but I really felt like crying. I don't know how she found out, but my grandmother figured out a few days later that my grandaunt came to my school to visit me. My grandmother then proceeded to contact my teachers to make sure I did not meet with my grandaunt. My teachers knew what was happening, but couldn't do anything about it. This was the first time the word 'suicide' crossed my mind.
My depression got worse in 5th grade. My grandmother's yelling and violence became more severe, and I naturally started to depend on my friends more. I started liking someone, so that helped me survive. However, my grandmother said that I was boy crazy, and after a very heated argument, she started beating me with a clothes hanger. She then bit my hand, and I still have a scar from that on my right hand.
Every day seemed like hell. I thought that dying would be more comfortable than this life. I wrote a will and tried to self-harm in every way that I could think of. I cut my wrist, strangled myself with a shower head, but I failed every time. I think I had a little will to live insider of me. A few days later, my grandmother discovered the will and yelled at me for writing one. I thought my grandmother maybe cared about me in that moment, but she yelled and hit me for not including her in the will.
When my brother, my grandmother, and I went to a trip to Northern Europe, my grandmother called me to her room and told me that my mom should not have given birth to me. She hit me with clothes hangers and strangled me. What's even more ridiculous is that she would try to cover her actions by saying that she had to discipline me because I didn't listen to her. It was like a violent bully at school trying to defend their actions by saying it was just a joke.
My grandmother then told me that she could not raise me anymore and gave me two choices. It was to go to the United States or to go to my grandaunt. She told me that if I went to my grandaunt, she will not give me any living expenses. I truly wanted to go to my grandaunt, but I chose to go to America for my future. I received an achievement award for my mom sometime later and prepared to go abroad. I remember filming MBC's documentary 'Love' at the time, and I had to pretend to be happy, which was so difficult.
With little time left before I left to the States, I met with Aunt Hong Jin Kyung and ate at Silla Hotel. I secretly gave her every sign that I didn't really want to go. She sided with me and expressed it would be better if I stayed in Korea. Afterwards, my grandmother cursed and said, 'What is she to butt into other people's lives?' Aunt Lee Young Ja then told reporters to figure out a way to help me. My paternal relatives said they will not take care of me, saying I don't even share the same last name.
When I moved to the United States, I thought I was going to stay at a family friend's house, but it was more like I was being adopted. What was more serious was that the family that I was staying with was not stable. I can't reveal much details about this, but since I was in a foreign country, I was even more scared. I continued filming for the documentary in America. I then realized the school I was going to attend was run by a cult. I was so scared and was worried whether I would be able to adjust to my new life.
I really thought there was no way I could go on, so I asked my grandmother if I could move back to Korea. She surprisingly accepted, and I returned to Korea. However, my misery didn't end. After returning to Korea, I was blamed for everything. I wanted to re-enter the elementary school I attended before I left, but it turned out I had been expelled from the school instead of transferred out. I couldn't even go to school for a couple of months because of this. My grandmother wanted to send me to the international school that my brother was attending. I was mentally exhausted from studying a lot already, but the burden of having to prepare for admission into an international school added even greater pressure. Every day was exhausting and tiring.
One Sunday morning after sleeping late the night before from studying, my grandmother started accusing me of stealing. She was preparing to go to church that morning and realized her eyeliner went missing. She accused me of being a thief from a young age and hurt me. For the time being, I will write this much. This is August 5, 2017, 1:55 a.m. KST. Our entire house is in ruins, and the police came. I think I would feel so wronged if I were to die without revealing this truth. Thank you for reading this long post. Please save me."
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